Hearing a sobbing voice, my consciousness awoke in a half-hazy state.

Through my slightly opened eyes, a strong, white light—different from before—shined in.

"Mmh...?"

I rubbed my eyes and observed the room. The first thing I saw was the brightly shining fluorescent light, then the closed curtains. The outside peeking through the gap was pitch black, making me realize I had been asleep for quite a long time.

...How long have I been asleep?

Well, Chifuyu should be here, so it's probably fine.

Just as I thought that, I heard the sobbing again, and this time my consciousness fully awakened.

"Chifuyu...?"

I sat up while calling out to her, and panicked when I saw Chifuyu sitting across the table with red eyes. What had happened while I was asleep? I looked around, but there was no useful information.

"Eh, w-wait, Chifuyu, what happened?!"

I half-stood up in a panic, and my eyes caught what she was holding in her hands.

...Huh?

It was unmistakably a stack of manuscript paper.

It was the manuscript I had printed out for Chifuyu this morning. I felt a sense of déjà vu. Looking around the room again while standing, I noticed my bag sitting wide open near her. Everything looked like a rehash of that day.

"Chifuyu-san? Don't tell me you went through someone else's bag without permission again?"

At that, Chifuyu finally raised her head as if noticing me, and turned her tear-swollen eyes toward me.

As if refusing to shed any more tears, she tightly scrunched up her face.

"Ngh... No, I checked with you properly before you went to sleep. Since I'd have some free time while you slept, I asked if you'd let me read your novel if you'd finished writing it. And you gave me the okay."

"...Did I?"

Honestly, I had no memory of it. I did feel like Chifuyu had asked me something right before I fell asleep and I had answered her. Was that the conversation she was talking about? There was no way to verify the facts now.

Either way, I was prepared to show it to Chifuyu.

It just came in the form of a surprise attack, so I was a little startled, that's all.

I sighed to switch gears and faced Chifuyu head-on.

"...Well, if that's what happened, then it's fine. But... what? Were you crying because you read my novel?"

"Hah? No, I'm not crying at all! It's just, you know, my chronic hay fever..."

Chifuyu replied while blowing her runny nose into a tissue.

You rarely see hay fever in Sapporo, and more importantly, there's no way it would be acting up on Christmas.

If that was supposed to be an excuse, her brain wasn't working at all, and if it was a joke, the timing was terrible.

"........................"

I fell silent and stared into Chifuyu's eyes.

She curled up, hugging her knees.

I noticed her tightly curled toes—when had she taken off her socks? The shape of her small, round feet—they looked like fluffy, sweet pastries... Wait, what am I thinking?

I returned my gaze to Chifuyu and struck her with a stare, packing in the guilt of my own thoughts.

As I stared at her intently, Chifuyu let out a weak "Ugh..." before speaking.

"No... yeah, sorry. That's right, I was totally crying over your novel, Miyuki..."

Perhaps her mental state was quite weakened, because Chifuyu confessed all too easily.

However, I was the one troubled by that confession.

"Did I write something that hurt you, Chifuyu?"

I couldn't think of anything, but I couldn't help being anxious.

Because writing and words can inadvertently hurt someone before you even realize it.

"No! It's not like that. It's not that I was hurt or sad..."

Chifuyu paused her words there.

Was she unable to find the right words, or did she need courage to say them?

As if trying to muster her strength, she tightly gripped the hem of her clothes before opening her mouth.

"For a second, I thought you had written down what was in my own heart."

"Eh..."

Chifuyu's words were entirely unexpected.

Because of that, I couldn't find the model answer for how to respond, and remained silent.

After all, that novel was strictly a documentation of my own feelings and regrets. The protagonist was literally my subjective self, my spitting image, and the ghost's actions were merely a trace of Chifuyu's actions.

So I didn't understand where she could have possibly found "her heart" in it.

If she were to empathize with anyone, it should be the ghost girl.

"I too, back then... I wanted to throw everything, absolutely everything away, and just hold you, Miyuki. I wanted to press my lips against yours as they trembled like they were begging for something."

Her voice was slow, but because of that, it carefully brimmed with her emotions, cracking terribly. I couldn't look away from her eyes, and she continued to hold me in her wet gaze as well.

"But... I couldn't do it. Because back then, I was a ghost bound by the past. I thought there was no way someone like me had the right to tie down a high school girl with a future like you, Miyuki."

...Why are you talking like you don't have a future of your own?

My mouth, which had begun to open to say that, was interrupted by her next words.

"And you know, the one who revived that ghost bound by the past in this very moment was none other than you, Miyuki. Thanks to you, I was able to pick back up what I had once given up on and buried away. I began to feel like... I wanted to play the piano one more time, for your sake."

Chifuyu probably tried to smile.

But that smile was crumpled by other emotions, conveying the exact opposite of what she was trying to express. Influenced by her, my heart felt like it was going to sway too.

And for no reason, I wanted to hug Chifuyu's small body.

"Maybe I really should have just disappeared in that moment as a ghost."

"...Why?"

My mouth, which finally moved, barely managed to mutter that single word.

Why? I muttered once more in my heart.

Because I didn't understand the meaning behind such a statement coming up in the current flow of conversation.

She fell silent as if prompting me to continue, so I organized my thoughts before going on.

"Why would you say something like that...? Even though I was so happy to reunite with you, Chifuyu."

"I was happy too. It was completely unexpected... but well, my happiness was genuine. You were happy for me too. But, because of that... I've become completely lost."

As if trying to wipe away the sorrow that had surfaced in her eyes again, Chifuyu rubbed her eyelids with her hand.

"It was precisely because we parted ways that you were able to write such a wonderful novel, right, Miyuki? That's probably the same for me. It was because I resolved to disappear from your side as a ghost and carried it through that I... found the resolve to dedicate myself to music once more. But... right now, that resolve is wavering. I don't know what I want to choose anymore. I absolutely cannot choose both... As you can see, I'm not a dexterous person. I'm not the kind of person who can pursue two things at once and give my all to both. I'm someone who can only choose... one or the other."

Even as she spoke, tears continued to flow endlessly from her eyes.

Forgetting to even wipe them away, without trying to hide her sobbing—she glared at me.

Why didn't you let me pass on?

Why did you revive me?

It felt like I was picking up on those unspoken meanings.

Because from my perspective, Chifuyu's glare was practically a plea.

Her eyes expressed the myriad of emotions swirling in her chest more eloquently than her words.

"Even though I had finally... picked back up my feelings for music that I thought I had lost—"

"...You don't know whether you should choose me or music, do you, Chifuyu."

Unable to endure staying silent any longer, I interrupted Chifuyu's words.

In response, she didn't look particularly annoyed, and simply nodded.

"Continuing to chase a dream that probably won't come true feels like having your heart squeezed in a vise. Even though you have no real sense that you're getting closer to your dream, the vise gradually tightens day by day. It's a terror so intense it makes you feel like going mad. Because you never know when your heart might burst. Even so, because I was able to meet you, I thought I could face it once more!"

I could understand those feelings too.

I want to write a novel! I had that impulse as well.

But to strongly desire I want to become an author!, a cruelly cold and calculated courage was necessary.

Even for someone like me, who had only been serious about it for a few weeks, an immeasurable amount of courage was required. For her, who had continued to chase the dream of being a pianist for nearly twenty years, the courage needed to shake off that fear must be many times greater than mine. It's not something you can obtain easily. It was likely a courage she never could have reached unless some miracle-like turning point in her life arrived.

According to her, that turning point was me.

At the same time, the one trying to steal that turning point away is also me.

Chifuyu is weighing that irreplaceable courage against a tiny individual like me on the scales. Not only that, she's genuinely agonizing over it to the point of shedding copious tears.

That made me tremendously happy.

I couldn't even think of a clever expression for it; I was just straightforwardly happy.

I realized this must be the "kindness" Emiri was talking about. It's true, just the fact that I was allowed to be placed on the plate of her scales made me happy enough that I could be satisfied with just that.

But this is my life, so I can't just end it with the word "happy".

No matter how painful it is, we have to make a choice and move forward.

Even if it's the worst set of options, where a thorny path waits regardless of which one we choose.

—Ah. I'm surely about to whisper something terrible.

My mind was already made up, and that answer was surely far removed from the model answer.

Even so, I had already decided how to use my courage.

All that was left was to put it into words.

"I was thinking the same thing. If I could part ways with you here, Chifuyu, I might be able to use that loneliness as a springboard to dedicate myself to my novels. I thought that might be the shortest path to making my talent blossom. In fact, that novel you read, Chifuyu, it actually felt like quite a solid achievement."

The resolve to chase a dream.

What she called the resolve to put one's heart in a vise.

I, too, was able to obtain that from parting with her.

"You often hear stories about people regretting prioritizing love over their dreams. They say that such things are fleeting emotions, like a short-lived illusion. So, they say it's wrong to prioritize love. Honestly, I can imagine it. If I choose love, I'll end up regretting it for the rest of my life."

I chose the "path of letting Chifuyu pass on" and was struck by intense regret.

But it surely would have been the same even if I had chosen the "path of not letting Chifuyu pass on." I would have continued to bask in happiness and peace while daily regretting, "Was this really the right choice?"

I understand that well now.

We are creatures that cannot help but have regrets.

No matter what path we choose, we yearn for the "what if" version of ourselves, become jealous of it, and try to lick the honey known as regret. I realized this through my past experiences, my regrets—and by finishing that novel. Regret is something incredibly terrifying, so in trying to escape from it, people try to rely on others. Just like I relied on Madoka, people try to entrust their choices to others because they cannot bear the regrets themselves.

But the weight of this regret—is none other than the depth of my love for Chifuyu.

If that's the case, I shouldn't hand this regret over to anyone. I shouldn't let a single drop spill.

The resolve to embrace it and bear it, declaring that these are my feelings, was what I truly needed.

I forcefully wiped away the tears welling in my eyes and looked at her.

"But I won't run away from regret anymore."

My voice was trembling so excessively I couldn't believe it was my own, and it was perhaps a terribly poor showing for a declaration of resolve. But even so, I just desperately raised my voice.

To bear everything myself.

"Because I love you, for that reason alone, I can throw everything away. Even if I end up regretting every day that I could have become an author, that alone is enough for me."

There was a time in the past when I decided I wouldn't have any regrets. I envy the me from that time. I also think it's very cool to bite down on my own sadness and loneliness for Chifuyu's sake like that.

But, as expected, wasn't that being bound by a certain kind of "correctness"? Perhaps I was just clinging to the correctness of a "model answer" to escape responsibility. To evade responsibility by claiming I just followed the model answer. Indeed, I was probably thinking something as shallow as having that model answer shoulder my own regrets.

—No, I should stop glorifying or criticizing the version of myself that might have been.

Because all I can do is face the me who chose the option right in front of me.

"So Chifuyu, this is just me being selfish, but—"

Staring deeply, deeply into her eyes, I declared.

"—I want you to give up your dream, for me."

Having said that, I wanted to avert my gaze. But telling myself that doing so would be escaping, I reprimanded myself and looked into her eyes. Just to convey my resolve to her through this gaze.

"Hah—"

A breath that escaped along with her surprise, her faintly trembling lips, Chifuyu even floated a wry smile on her face.

"I never thought... I would be told something like that by you, Miyuki."

There was a pause, as if waiting for a reply. But I had already said everything I needed to say. So there were no words I needed to answer with. I had made my choice. So next, it was Chifuyu's turn.

"I'm someone who has experienced a setback once, so I can imagine how I'll regret it. That regret will torment me almost every day. Every time I see a piano, every time I listen to music, I'll wonder what it was that I staked my life on doing. It'll feel like my chest has become completely empty. Even so, Miyuki... are you telling me to choose you over the piano?"

"I'm not telling you to choose me. I want you to choose whichever you want. With your own hands, Chifuyu."

I merely voiced my hope.

The rest is just for Chifuyu to muster up her own will.

If she chooses the piano because of that, then I think it can't be helped. But even so, we will surely be able to hold pride in ourselves for choosing a path without fearing regret.

Because that pride should serve as a weapon enough to fight against the regrets.

A long, long silence fell.

To me, that silence weighed down with a length equal to hours, or even days. The ticking of the second hand shouldn't have changed, but only my perceived time stretched out infinitely, slowly agonizing me.

But the same goes for Chifuyu.

She had been thrust into a crossroads in her life by me.

The time needed to agonize over which to choose wouldn't be enough even with a few days. So surely she too must be feeling like this very moment has been stretched out infinitely.

"Could you... close your eyes for me?"

And right when I was starting to feel anemic from the tension, Chifuyu finally moved her heavy lips. Hearing those words made me remember the events of that day, and I hesitated for a moment, but I closed my eyes as told.

The moment I closed my eyes, I noticed my heart was pounding unusually loud.

My heart was so loud that just listening to the beats felt exhausting. No wonder my head was spinning. If I had been made to stand in this state, my stamina wouldn't have lasted a few minutes.

But the real issue starts here.

Which one did Chifuyu end up choosing? There was a high enough possibility that she would disappear again, just like that day. Thinking that, my anxiety became unbearable, and I wanted to pry my eyelids open. Even so, I forcefully silenced that anxiety and just continued to wait for Chifuyu to make her move.

Because, just like my own choices, I had to respect hers.

My heartbeat was getting in the way making it hard to hear, but a faint breathing reached my ears.

At first, I didn't know if it was mine or Chifuyu's. But since the breath was gradually getting closer, I understood that it was hers.

Chifuyu's ragged breath washed over my lips, and my entire nervous system and consciousness concentrated on my lips. It was my first time feeling a sensation like hearing sound, smelling scents, feeling heat, and seeing light, all through my lips, and I was bewildered by it.

The next moment, a sensation like floating in the air struck my lips.

A soft, warm, gentle sensation that made me want to wish I could touch it forever.

But it was only for a moment, and the instant I wished for more—it separated from my lips.

—If anything, you should have made that touch and sensation last forever.

When I hurriedly opened my eyes, Chifuyu's face was in a position where our skin could almost touch.

Well, considering our skin had literally just touched, I suppose that was obvious.

My thoughts, which had been drifting in circles focused solely on my lips, returned to my head, and I finally came to my senses.

"U-Um... hey, what just now—"

"I'm choosing you, Miyuki."

What interrupted my words was Chifuyu's clear answer.

As she tried to smile, it wasn't her usual troubled smile, nor an expression laced with resignation; instead, she wore an embarrassed, bashful smile. That cuteness seized my heart.

But, however.

"Are you sure about this...? Chifuyu."

"Of course I'm not sure. But you taught me that it would be the exact same even if I chose the piano, Miyuki. Then I too... even if I'm struck by tremendous regret, I want to be with you."

As if expressing her hesitation, her expression rapidly wavered back and forth between joy and sorrow.

I somehow knew I was making a similar expression myself.

Even so, we grasped each other's hands, and in order to walk together, we let go of the lifeline known as our desires. A dream for the future—it was supposed to be an object of awe, but at the same time, a guiding light to move forward.

A faint light had spread for just a moment in my world, where I had almost grasped the dream of becoming a novelist.

By letting go of it, I was enveloped once again in pitch-black darkness.

From now on, we have no choice but to grope our way through the darkness, relying solely on the warmth of this hand.

"Chifuyu."

"What is it, Miyuki?"

Just calling her name and having my name called filled me with a sense of euphoria.

But it wasn't because we wanted to drown in this happiness that we chose each other.

"Can I hug you one more time?"

"You don't need... to ask something like that every single time."

Smiling wryly at her less-than-honest reply, I hugged her small body. It probably wasn't just because her body was like a child's, but it was radiating heat so intense it felt like it could burn.

As if swept away by that heat, this time, I stole a kiss from her lips.