It was a peaceful Friday, deep into autumn, when I could no longer even remember the summer heat. As I was watching a ramen comparison video in the Infirmary, Hotaru paused her studying hands and spoke, as if suddenly remembering something.

"Apparently, you can see a really beautiful meteor shower today."

"A meteor shower."

I paused the video and looked up. Come to think of it, I felt like I had heard something about a meteor shower on the morning news today.

"You can see it around this time every year, but this year it's supposed to be even more visible than usual."

"I see. I'm going out to eat with my mom and dad today, so I might watch it from the balcony when it gets dark. Though I don't know if you can see it from just anywhere."

"Oh, I see. You're going out to eat today."

Hotaru looked lonely for a moment, which made me wonder. Maybe Hotaru had been thinking of inviting me to go see the meteor shower.

Hotaru had a very reserved side to her, and that was the reason she never called or sent me texts. She told me that when she thinks about whether I might be busy if she called, she feels bad and hesitates to do it. Even though I'm rarely ever busy. Even when I told her she could call me anytime, she gets nervous and finds it difficult. That's why I'm always the one to call, and I always initiate our text exchanges. I liked hearing Hotaru's voice over the phone, and I enjoyed reading her messages.

"Do you not have any plans today, Hotaru?"

"Yeah. I don't have anything. But I've been told I'm not allowed to go outside at night, so it looks like I'll be watching from my balcony, too."

Hotaru click-clicked her mechanical pencil and gazed out the window. Long, thin clouds drifted across the clear, pale blue sky. The large tree planted beside the student entrance had turned a vibrant autumn red.

When evening came, I went to a ramen shop with my mom and dad. I ate tantanmen. I got full right away and thought that I really couldn't eat as much as the people in the video I watched today.

After getting home and taking a bath, I dried my hair and headed to Hotaru's house. The transparent stones placed along the brick path leading to the entrance faintly illuminated my feet. I walked stealthily, trying not to make any footsteps.

The light in Hotaru's room was on. I knocked softly on Hotaru's window, tap-tap. Hotaru was in her pajamas, sitting on her bed and reading a book. It was a thick book, like a dictionary.

Noticing me, Hotaru widened her eyes in genuine surprise and hurriedly opened the window. A scent like fully ripened peaches wafted softly from inside the room. Seeing Hotaru's surprised face made me feel amused, and I let out a quiet laugh.

"Ibuki-chan, what are you doing here?"

Hotaru placed her hands on the windowsill and leaned out. The night breeze swayed her hair.

"I wanted to watch the stars with you, so I came to get you."

I reached my hand out to Hotaru. Hotaru took my hand.

"I wanted to watch the stars together with you too, Ibuki-chan."

Hotaru smiled happily.

Slipping out of the house together with Hotaru, who had brought her shoes, we sat on a bench in the park. We warmed the palms of our hands with milk tea bought from a vending machine. The playground equipment, untouched by sunlight, looked like large, rusted monuments. The swings, the slide, and the jungle gym were all sleeping coldly in the silence.

Looking up at the sky, I could see stars as tiny as grains of sand twinkling. It was a bright sky, a mix of indigo and gray. Looking at the stars, it felt as if tiny holes had been poked through some kind of membrane covering this world, allowing light from a pure white world to shine through to us. There were stars that shone with a clear brilliance, and stars that glowed faintly.

Hotaru was looking up at the sky. Her profile drew gentle lines. The autumn night sky was reflected in Hotaru's eyes. The wind was chilly. The park was enveloped in silence, as if we were the only ones left in this world.

A line of light streaked beneath a star that shone intensely like a diamond.

"Ah, a shooting star."

I pointed at the shooting star. The star vanished in an instant. This was my first time seeing a shooting star. I was surprised by how fleeting it was.

"I saw it too."

Hotaru said in a voice mixed with surprise and joy. We looked up at the sky once more. A straight golden line was drawn with a quick dash, and immediately disappeared.

In that brief moment, I made a single wish in my heart. There was absolutely no time to chant it three times.

"I saw another one."

"Yeah. We saw another one."

Hotaru seemed genuinely moved by the shooting stars. Her expression spoke volumes of the deep emotions she felt. I stared intently at Hotaru, trying to memorize her expression. I don't want to forget. I want to remember it over and over. I want to cherish it forever. Hotaru noticed my gaze.

We stared into each other's faces beneath a night sky so expansive it felt like it could suck us in.

"Hotaru. The shooting stars were amazing."

At my words, Hotaru's large eyes grew moist. After nodding several times, she spoke.

"What did you wish for, Ibuki-chan?"

"I wished that the person I love will always be happy."

I was too scared to say that I loved her. Hotaru blinked in surprise for a moment.

"So you have someone you like, Ibuki-chan."

"Yeah."

Hotaru dropped her gaze to the tips of her sneakers for just a brief moment, then immediately smiled and raised her face.

"I hope your wish comes true, Ibuki-chan."

Looking at Hotaru's smile, I suddenly felt a pang of sorrow. Hotaru probably doesn't even consider the possibility that she's the one I love.

"What did you wish for, Hotaru?"

"You know, I'm incredibly happy right now. Because I was so glad to be able to come see the shooting stars with you like this, Ibuki-chan. Then, I couldn't think of anything to wish for. So, I didn't make a wish."

Hotaru put a hand to one of her cheeks and smiled bashfully.

"You're so cute, Hotaru."

Holding my half-finished milk tea in one hand, I touched the tips of Hotaru's fingers with my other hand. Hotaru glanced at my face, then intertwined her delicate fingers with mine.

We lost track of time as we gazed at the stars. It was a very happy night.

When I'm too happy, I get a little scared. I end up feeling like some invisible force is going to show up dragging a very ominous event along with it, as a way to exact payment for this happy time.

And, that bad premonition came true.



One morning, I noticed the atmosphere in the house had gotten strange. My mother didn't get up even when it was her usual time. My dad had left for work earlier than usual. Since there were no side dishes for breakfast, I nibbled on some toast by myself.

When I turned on the TV, I noticed the volume had been muted. Feeling puzzled, I turned the volume up. The TV was showing a special on stylish cafes in the city. I was watching TV while getting ready for school, but since my mother wasn't waking up no matter how much time passed, I got worried she might be late for work and decided to go wake her up.

My mother was limp with exhaustion. Near her pillow, several crumpled-up tissues were scattered about. Her eyelids were swollen, and her usually distinct double-eyelid lines were distorted. She was sleeping as if tightly clutching her smartphone.

"Are you okay?"

When I rubbed my mother's shoulder, she faintly opened her eyes.

"I'm not feeling well today, so I'm taking the day off work."

My mother said in a raspy voice. She wore a completely exhausted expression.

"Okay."

I felt a stinging pain deep in my chest, as if I had suffered a burn. Because this wasn't the first time I had seen my mother lying on the bed looking like a withered leaf.

Something must have happened. And I knew very well what that "something" was.

It was the thing I feared the most.

My mother's affair had been found out by my dad.

My body suddenly felt heavy. The back of my throat throbbed with a sharp pain, feeling like it was going to tear. I froze with my eyes wide open. My mother still wouldn't let go of her smartphone. She gripped it tightly, hiding the screen, as if this was the only precious thing left to her in the world.

My mother is careless. But there's no way I can call her out on that. How much better would it have been if she had hidden her affair thoroughly enough that even I wouldn't have found out.

Now that the affair was exposed, what did my dad do? Did my mother tell the other person that they were found out?

I know my mother's affair partner very well. After all, her affair partner is my middle school homeroom teacher.

My mother falls in love like a young girl. It's not that she feels pleasure from the immorality of having a relationship with another man while having a husband; she is just purely in love with the teacher. That's why someone like me can't stop her. I can't say anything to her.

The brunt of my anger is directed entirely at the teacher. I end up thinking that the teacher, who responds to my mother's persistent emails, is the bad one.

My mother and the teacher are accomplices. And yet, I can't bring myself to blame my mother. I've always been like this. I side with my mother to the bitter end.

I gathered the crumpled-up tissues and threw them in the trash can.

"I'm going to school. Get some rest."

My mother didn't answer a single word and closed her eyes. I sat down on the stairs and cried, stifling my voice.



Every night, my dad and mom started turning off the living room TV, sitting facing each other across the dining table, and talking until the middle of the night. I had a pretty good idea of what they were talking about.

My dad asked me not to come into the room much while the two of them were talking. I did as he asked. Every day, when night fell, I holed myself up in my room. Even the ceiling light illuminating the whole room felt too bright, so I spent my time with only the light from my study desk lamp on. The living room was directly beneath my room. I lay on my side, pressed my ear to the floor, and tried to listen to the contents of my mom and dad's conversation.

My dad's voice, coming through in broken fragments, was low and filled with anger. I had never heard my dad use a voice like that before. The sheer terror of that voice almost made even me, with a ceiling separating us, tremble. My mom was saying something in a hysterical voice. That voice was so painful to listen to that, unable to bear it any longer, I stopped listening to their conversation.

Even when I crawled into bed, sleep wouldn't visit me. I was lonely, I was sad, and I cried every night. When I thought about what was going to happen from now on, everything went pitch black before my eyes. I became unable to eat, and in a short period of time, I rapidly lost weight. My headaches grew worse day by day. While walking, I would get dizzy spells, and Hotaru and Yotsuji worried about me suddenly crouching down.

I couldn't even talk to Yotsuji about what was happening this time. However, Yotsuji seemed to sense what was going on at my house. In the club room after school, Yotsuji said in a serious voice, "Something happened, didn't it?" When I laughed it off with an "It's nothing," Yotsuji made a terribly sad face.

That day, when I came home, my mother—who, just like me, had become like a completely different person in a short period of time—grasped my hand.

"Ibuki-chan, I have something important to talk to you about."

There was no light in my mother's eyes. Her mascara was clumpy, her eyeliner was smudged, and her lips had no color. Her skin, slathered in foundation, looked as if it might crack.

They're getting a divorce. I understood instantly. Whenever my mother gets a divorce, she looks me in the eyes and says it: I have something important to talk to you about. It had been that way since I was little. Between us, there's no conversation more important than my mother getting divorced from a man.

I bolted out of the house. It was already dark outside. Even though I was sprinting at top speed, I was so, so cold I couldn't stand it. I ran without even properly looking ahead, nearly bumping into people walking down the street. I ignored a red light and crossed a crosswalk, getting honked at by a large truck. Stumbling, I collapsed onto the ground. Out of breath, my vision blurred.

With no strength in my legs, I unsteadily got back to my feet. Even so, I didn't stop running.

The place I arrived at was Hotaru's house. I rang the doorbell without hesitation.

"Ibuki-chan?"

Hotaru's voice came through the intercom. Hotaru immediately opened the front door. I hugged Hotaru with a desperate, clinging strength. Like someone drowning, I frantically tried to suck in oxygen, but the feeling of suffocation only grew.

Hotaru was so thin. If I put any more strength into it, she felt like she might snap easily. Hotaru's sweet scent felt like it was going to scorch the back of my nose.

"What's wrong? Ibuki-chan."

Hotaru didn't look confused or upset. Perhaps she had sensed something. She had a firm, calm voice. I pulled Hotaru's slender shoulders toward me. Hotaru entrusted her body to me without any resistance.

I'm scared. It hurts. I'm lonely.

"Help me, Hotaru."

I said in a hoarse voice. In my arms, Hotaru nodded deeply.

Entering Hotaru's room, I sat down, placing my hands on the carpet. My head throbbed with a pulsing pain. Hotaru sat down directly in front of me. Still taking shallow breaths, I started to speak.

"My mom and dad are getting a divorce."

"A divorce?"

Hotaru turned a serious gaze toward me.

"My mom has been married three times. She falls in love with men right away. My mom cheated again. The guy this time was my middle school homeroom teacher."

Pressing a hand to my forehead, I let out a long breath. Hotaru listened to my story with her lips tightly pressed together. As my breathing steadied, I continued talking.

"My dad found out about my mom's affair. Lately, they've been talking late into the night. Those two fully intend to divorce now."

Tears spilled from my eyes. The tears rolled down my cheeks and fell onto the pure white carpet. I didn't even have the energy to wipe them away. Ibuki-chan, I have something important to talk to you about. My mother's words bound my chest tightly.

"He was a good dad. I thought we could be happy if the three of us—my dad, my mom, and I—could just live together forever. But my dad didn't forgive my mom. And my mom is completely obsessed with the teacher. She probably doesn't actually care about me at all."

"That's not true."

Hotaru's words sounded irresponsible in my head. The inside of my head flared with heat. Even that face she made, looking like she was worried about me, irritated me.

"You don't know anything about my family, Hotaru."

A sharp voice came out of me instinctively. I glared at Hotaru. Hotaru's eyes wavered for just a second. But she immediately stared right back at me with a firm gaze.

"That might be true. But I'm sure it'll be okay. It'll be okay."

Hotaru reached out a hand to wipe my tears. I slapped that hand away. It made a loud smack like the crack of a whip. Hotaru nearly fell backward.

"I don't need those comforting words! You were raised happily, loved by your mom and dad, Hotaru. You don't understand how I feel. My dad changed, the house I lived in changed, my last name changed, and even so, I followed my mom this whole time. My mom doesn't even think about me. She's incredibly selfish. I wanted to be born to a kind mom and dad, too! I wanted to be loved so much it made me sick!"

I screamed. From my mouth, my completely messed-up heart overflowed as words. My throat throbbed sharply. I couldn't bear to look properly at Hotaru's face.

I hate the teacher. Their love is so dirty.

"It's true, I might not completely understand your feelings, Ibuki-chan. But I want to understand you."

Hotaru grasped my hand. In my confusion, I tried to shake it off, but Hotaru gripped my hand strongly and wouldn't let go.

"You know, I'll stay by your side forever. I'll stay right beside you, and I'll cherish you, Ibuki-chan."

Saying that, Hotaru gave a strong smile. Comforted by that warm smile, the tension drained completely out of my body. I cried out loud like a baby. Hotaru kept holding my hand tight the entire time.

I had always wanted someone to save me. I had intended to follow my mother anywhere she led me by the hand. I hadn't wanted to leave my mother alone. I thought I had to stay with my childish, girl-like mother forever.

Because I didn't want to be alone.

I wanted someone to stay by my side. I wanted to be loved abundantly. I wanted something warm and gentle to bury my loneliness. I wanted them to fill up the empty me. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted someone to hold my hand. The truth is, I wanted someone to look me right in the eyes and tell me, "It's going to be okay."

Hotaru gave me everything I wanted. She told me she would stay by my side forever.

I don't want her to let go of this hand. Hotaru had rescued me—me, who was terrified of love and had shut myself inside a shell.

I don't want to be separated from Hotaru. I am no longer afraid to love Hotaru.

"Hotaru, I'm sorry for saying terrible things."

"Mhm."

Hotaru squeezed her fingertips tightly.

"I want to stay like this a little longer."

"Okay."

Our hands had grown incredibly hot.

My dad and mom really did end up getting a divorce. My mom and I were going to live at her parents' house. My mom's parents' house was near Yotsuji's house. The days of preparing to move continued. After school, I would walk partway home with Hotaru, and then pack my belongings into cardboard boxes at home. Yotsuji invited me to club activities, but I turned that down too.

With every move, my belongings steadily decreased. I had very few things. The problem was my mom's belongings. My mom loves shopping and had a large amount of stuff. Clothes, bags, cosmetics, and accessories. My dad decided not to help with our moving process; he would leave for work early in the morning and come home late at night.

On moving day, as I was watching the movers load boxes into the truck, my dad came up beside me and said:

"I want you to be happy, Ibuki."

I stared at his face with a slightly troubled expression for a moment, then smiled with all my heart.

"Yeah. You be happy too, Dad."

My dad laughed with gentle eyes. We decided to leave the light blue mug at the house.

At my grandma and grandpa's house, I was given the childhood bedroom my mom used to use. My mom's room had white floral wallpaper, young-leaf-green curtains, and a comfortable narrowness to it.

Once I put in my study desk, chest of drawers, and bed, the room became even more cramped. Since I had visited my grandma and grandpa's house many times since I was little, I quickly got used to my new life. The meals my grandma makes are nutritious, delicious, and I always end up eating too much.

On Friday night, as I was watching TV in the living room with my grandpa, I got an email from Yotsuji. It said, "Want to come over tomorrow?", so I replied that I would. Yotsuji's house is right nearby, so we can hang out whenever we want to.

The next day, I grabbed some snacks and headed to Yotsuji's house. In Yotsuji's room, there is a large TV and the latest game console. We chose a game with a versus mode and played together. Perhaps because Yotsuji plays it a lot normally, her gaming skills were quite something, and I did nothing but lose.

"You're really weak at this, Ibuki."

Holding the controller with an experienced grip, Yotsuji laughed, kera-kera. It's not that I hate losing, but losing this much isn't fun. I felt a little miffed.

"No, it's not that I'm weak. It's your fault for being strong, Yotsuji."

"Why is it my fault?!"

Yotsuji playfully shoved me with her right hand. Laughing, I popped a piece of caramel-flavored popcorn into my mouth.

"Even though I used to be stronger."

Back in middle school, we would bet snacks or juice, and I had beaten Yotsuji many times. Yotsuji, who would repeatedly challenge me to matches, looked genuinely frustrated when she lost, even if just for a moment. That face, shown by the always-smiling Yotsuji, felt fresh no matter how many times I saw it. I realized the obvious fact that Yotsuji feels frustration, too.

Before I knew it, Yotsuji had become this strong.

"Because I practiced a lot, thinking I'd beat the pants off you next time we played."

"You really hate losing, Yotsuji."

While operating the screen, Yotsuji cast a sidelong glance at me.

"I guess."

When Yotsuji laughed, I saw her white canine teeth. Yotsuji stretched out her legs. They were long, clean-lined legs. An anklet was attached to her ankle. A silver chain with a four-leaf clover charm.

Since a long time ago, Yotsuji had liked things with clover motifs. The cell phone Yotsuji had placed on the desk had the four-leaf clover strap we bought when we traveled during summer vacation attached to it. Yotsuji, whose favorite things never change. I always think that's a nice thing about her.

"You take good care of your things, Yotsuji."

"Eh, you think?"

Yotsuji tilted her head and crunched on a potato chip. Yotsuji licked the oil off her hand with a flick of her red tongue.

"The anklet I gave you a long time ago, the strap we bought together the other day—you wear them and treat them with care."

The joy of having the accessories I made worn all the time is surely beyond what Yotsuji imagines. Accessories are things that directly touch the skin. So, I'm very happy that she cherishes them.

"I figured it was so I wouldn't accidentally forget about you, Ibuki."

Yotsuji shrugged and laughed frivolously. When I flicked Yotsuji's forehead, she dramatically held her head, saying, "Ouch."

"Am I an existence that you would accidentally forget about, Yotsuji?"

I knew it was a joke, but somehow I didn't like it. When I voiced my dissatisfaction, Yotsuji narrowed her cool eyes.

"I'd never forget, absolutely. Even if you forgot about me, Ibuki, I would remember you forever."

Don't say weird things, I thought. There's no way I would ever forget Yotsuji. In middle school, if Yotsuji hadn't been there, the 'me' of today definitely wouldn't exist. My mother's lies, these messed-up feelings rampaging inside my body—I was finally able to spit them out because I met Yotsuji. Having spit them out, my body felt just a little bit lighter.

"I would never forget you either, Yotsuji."

"I always think, 'It'd be nice if that were true'."

Yotsuji lowered her uneven eyelashes. Yotsuji's voice was dark. It was a very sad voice, like someone sinking to the bottom of the sea all alone.

"Yotsuji?"

Why would she make a face like that? I didn't understand, and I thought that maybe my not understanding was what was tormenting Yotsuji in the first place. For the first time, I felt as if Yotsuji was far away.

Yotsuji hugged her knees and let out a sigh. Yotsuji stared at me for a brief moment with her gray eyes, then pushed my shoulder hard. Startled by the sudden action, I fell backward onto the floor just like that. A loud thud of my body hitting the floor echoed, and the pain arrived a moment later. As I grimaced in pain, Yotsuji straddled my stomach, pinning me down so I couldn't move. Just like that, Yotsuji grabbed both of my wrists and held them down.

"You're forgetting about me more and more, Ibuki. You don't realize it yourself, do you? But I know it very well. Ah, I'm being forgotten, I always feel it."

Yotsuji's eyes and voice were chillingly cold. I tried to twist my body to escape that gaze and voice, but Yotsuji wouldn't budge an inch. My breathing grew shallow, and I started to panic.

"I haven't forgotten about you at all, Yotsuji. Let me go, quickly."

"No. I won't. Hey, Ibuki, what should I do so you don't forget me? What do I have to do to become number one to you?"

Yotsuji grabbed my wrists together, brought them above my head, and held them down with one hand. With her other hand, Yotsuji slowly stroked the inside of my thigh. A minute electric current ran from the place she touched, and a shiver ran down my spine. My breath trembled, and a film of hot tears formed in my eyes.

Yotsuji, who was always goofing around and laughing frivolously, seemed to have become a completely different person, and it was terrifying. When I squeezed my eyes shut, cold tears fell onto my cheek. Surprised, I opened my eyes. Yotsuji was crying. Yotsuji's tears fell drip, drop onto my cheeks and the nape of my neck, like water dripping from the tip of a brush.

"Why is it that the harder I try, the further away you get, Ibuki? It's always about Hotaru with you, Ibuki. Back in middle school, I felt safe the whole time. I thought I was number one to you, Ibuki. Entering the same high school, I thought we could stay together from now on, too. But I was wrong. You found Hotaru. You met Hotaru and you changed."

"Yotsuji."

Unable to speak properly, I called Yotsuji's name in a small voice. Yotsuji closed her eyes tightly and shook her head like a child.

"I know, you know. That all those earrings you're always making are for Hotaru. That Hotaru has pierced a ton of holes in her ears—I noticed all of it. But I pretended not to know. Even the other day, when Hotaru kissed you, Ibuki, I saw that too. You were nervous thinking I might have seen it, weren't you, Ibuki? But my acting was better. I know you were relieved thinking you hadn't been caught being kissed, Ibuki. You know, I've told you so many lies, Ibuki. Wanting to stay by your side, wanting to be number one to you, I just kept lying."

I gasped. Yotsuji's acting was perfect. Just as Yotsuji said, I had been relieved, thinking the kiss hadn't been found out. Ever since middle school, Yotsuji had been good at acting. When she showed a magic trick, everyone was fooled.

I hadn't realized all this time. The true Yotsuji hidden beneath the lies.

Yotsuji closed her mouth to stifle a sob, held her breath, and started speaking again.

"But you know, no matter how well I lied, no matter how perfectly I acted, my wish didn't come true. Ibuki, when your mom was about to bring up the divorce, you went to Hotaru's house, right? If it were us back in middle school, if you hadn't met Hotaru, you definitely would have come to me. Because I'm the only one who knows about your family's situation."

Yotsuji sniffled and her lips trembled.

"When you moved in next door, Ibuki, I was so happy. I thought, Now I can play with Ibuki and walk home with her. But, Ibuki, you walk Hotaru home every single day. Going to Hotaru's house is just a detour for you. Ibuki, you haven't walked home with me even once, have you? Hey, I..."

For a moment, Yotsuji wore an expression as if she had forgotten the meaning of words, how to speak, everything. And then, that expression immediately contorted. Yotsuji looked down, as if she didn't want me to see her current face.

"I'm lonely right now."

Large drops of tears overflowed from Yotsuji's eyes. The force holding down my wrists loosened. I put strength into both my hands and shook off Yotsuji's restraint. I sat up and hugged Yotsuji tight. Yotsuji's body felt soft and helpless, like a newborn kitten.

"I'm sorry, Yotsuji."

"Ibuki, I... I love you."

Yotsuji let out a pained sob. Yet still, she continued her words.

"You know, I've loved you since middle school, Ibuki. I've always, always loved you. But you hated romance. You hated the idea of loving someone. So I thought I'd just keep these feelings to myself. But, I can't anymore. I'm sorry, Ibuki. I love you."

"Thank you, Yotsuji. But, I love Hotaru."

"I know that."

Resting her forehead on my shoulder, Yotsuji laughed while she cried.