"Ino-san, it's going to be a problem if you don't put in some serious effort on the next test."
 

Suga-sensei told me this with a stern look on his face right after we entered July. To me, who nodded with a blank expression saying, "Huh," the teacher continued.

"Your grades weren't very good on the last test, so you need to bounce back on the finals. Otherwise, you'll have to come to school for supplementary lessons during summer vacation."

"I don't want that."

A sense of crisis finally began to rear its head, and when I talked back, he told me, "Please do your best so that doesn't happen." I didn't even remember the results of the last test anymore. Since I'm not smart, even if my test scores were low, it just ended with a "whatever."

He told me I had to try really hard, but how much was this really he was talking about? Feeling dizzy at the thought, I let out a long sigh.

 

"Wake up, Ibuki-chan."

Hearing Hotaru's voice right by my ear, I woke up. In the guest room inside the Infirmary, Hotaru and I were sitting next to each other. The air conditioning was working in the Infirmary, keeping it at a comfortable coolness.

"Oh no. I fell asleep..."

I rubbed my eyes vigorously and gripped my mechanical pencil again. I flipped through the stapled stack of handouts in front of me. They had been distributed during class because tests were coming up. The important terms were underlined by Hotaru, and most of the handouts were dyed a fluorescent pink. Just looking at them made my eyes flicker.

"The tests are just around the corner. You have to value your time."

When it came to studying, Hotaru became quite hot-blooded. Even though Hotaru didn't go to the classroom, she solved and submitted the handouts distributed by the school from the Infirmary, so it seemed her studies were progressing at the same pace as ours. Hotaru apparently had to take the regular exams too, so starting two weeks before the tests, we had been borrowing this space to study.

The days of Hotaru strictly drilling me on my studies continued, and before I knew it, it was already three days before the tests. Today was Friday, and after the weekend, the tests would start on Monday. As the tests approached, Hotaru's guidance grew even more passionate, and between the after-school study sessions and the massive amount of homework Hotaru assigned me every day, I was already exhausted.

"You're too fired up, Hotaru. Let's take it a bit easier."

"No way! Ibuki-chan, the teacher warned you, didn't he? You have to do your best."

"You're so intense, Hotaru. Too intense, I feel like I'm going to melt..."

I flapped my hand to fan my face. The cool breeze generated from my palm hit my cheeks.

"It's fine. The room is so cool, you won't melt. Come on, let's keep at it."

Giving a completely serious reply, Hotaru floated a blossoming smile and tapped her finger on the continuation of the unit I had been working on. Hotaru's smooth kneecaps, sitting right next to me, looked like they might bump against mine, making my heart pound. Pretending it was nothing, I resumed studying. Hotaru nodded in satisfaction watching me smoothly copy letters into my notebook, but in reality, the contents of the handout weren't entering my head at all.

"Do I really have to study on the weekend, too? This is tough."

After I started studying with Hotaru, I realized the difficulty of studying for the first time. The words I was supposed to have memorized the day before were already forgotten by the next day. I worked desperately every day just to keep the crammed memories from spilling out.

"Of course you do. This is the time to push hard."

Hotaru tightly formed her fists and looked at me with sparkling eyes full of motivation.

"I wonder if I'll be okay. I have no confidence. Oh, right. Hotaru, come over to my house and let's study together."

Even though I said it with a tone like I had just thought of it right then, the truth was I had been planning to invite Hotaru to my house for a while. Whenever I tried to say it, I'd get nervous, and it ended up being such a sudden proposal.

"Eh, is that okay?"

Hotaru suddenly leaned closer, and feeling embarrassed, I pulled my body back. When I'm with Hotaru, my emotions change dizzyingly fast. Feeling confused, feeling happy, becoming embarrassed. It feels like I'm going to be completely filled up with just thoughts of Hotaru.

"If you're okay with it, Hotaru. I want you to come. My mom would be really happy if you came over, too."

Feeling somewhat shy, I couldn't look Hotaru in the eyes. My voice came out sounding blunt, too.

"In that case, I'd like to go. This is my first time staying over at someone's house."

Hotaru spoke in a bouncy voice, clasped her hands together, and smiled warmly.

"It's not as pretty as your house, Hotaru, so don't expect too much."

"But I'm looking forward to it. You know, I used to imagine it sometimes. Like what kind of room you lived in, Ibuki-chan, or what kind of people your mom and dad were."

What kind of house on earth had Hotaru been imagining? My house is definitely shabbier than she expects. Still, even if it's not particularly pretty or new, that house is cozy, and I like it.

"It's normal. Just normal."

Even when I answered with a wry smile, the color of Hotaru's eyes, sparkling with imagination, didn't change.

"First off, I need to call my mom. And I need to prep a change of clothes and pajamas, and I want to bring snacks, too. What kind of snacks do you want to eat, Ibuki-chan?"

Hotaru planned out her sleepover preparations while counting on her fingers. I put my mechanical pencil down on the desk and gazed at Hotaru's happy profile.

"I'd be happy with anything you pick out, Hotaru."

"That's the most troublesome kind of answer. I'm going to bring some incredibly weird snacks."

Saying so, Hotaru formed a mischievous smile. It seemed she was imitating what I had said during the long-distance walk, but when Hotaru said it, it just sounded soft and warm, not very similar at all. In that room with just the two of us, we gazed into each other's eyes and laughed quietly, so no one would know.

"I want to eat your recommendations, Hotaru."

"Okay. Got it. Look forward to it."

Grabbing her phone, Hotaru said, "I'm going to try contacting my mom," and left the room. Left alone, I texted my mom to let her know Hotaru was coming for a sleepover. A reply came back immediately.

Following the text, "I'll make a special menu for dinner tonight," there was a heart emoji.

Imagining my mother humming and rolling up her sleeves in her favorite red apron, I replied, "Thank you." My mother's special menu was specially large in volume.

After a while, Hotaru finished her call and returned to the room. She spoke with a face that couldn't completely hide her joy.

"She said it's okay for me to stay over."

"I see. Thank goodness."

Drawn in by Hotaru's highly energetic voice, I broke into a smile, too. When I nodded, Hotaru quickly started getting ready to go home. When I asked, "Are you going home already?" Hotaru replied:

"I have to get ready for the sleepover. My mom was shopping nearby, so she's going to come pick me up."

"It's your first time coming to my house, Hotaru. Do you know the convenience store near West Middle School? It's right near there. It might be easier to meet up at the convenience store."

"Okay. Got it. I'll contact you later."

Hotaru slung her school bag over her shoulder, fluttered her hand in a wave, and left the guest room. Disappearing in an instant, Hotaru was like a flower petal blown by the wind.

Hotaru is coming to my house. It felt somewhat surreal. This is the first time I'm meeting Hotaru outside of school hours. I invited her over on the spur of the moment, but what should I do?

First, I have to clean my room when I get home. I should borrow a chair for Hotaru from my dad's room. But that study desk might be too cramped to use together with Hotaru. Would it be better to bring out the low table? As for what to sleep in, I wish I had a cute set of pajamas instead of that t-shirt with the weird, incomprehensible bear drawn on it.

Like Hotaru had done, I planned out my sleepover preparations while counting on my fingers, agonizing in circles over silly things. Even so, the truth was I was so happy I felt like my face was going to melt into a grin.

In the evening, I headed to the nearby convenience store where I was supposed to meet Hotaru. Hotaru had a cafe-au-lait colored Boston bag slung over her shoulder and was carrying a tote bag in her hand. She looked exactly as if she were heading out on a three-day, two-night trip.

Hotaru, wearing a smooth indigo dress, floated a soft, warm smile when she spotted me in the parking lot. Hotaru’s thighs, as she approached at a brisk pace, shone brilliantly, illuminated by the sinking sun that was the color of a ripe orange.

"Thank you for having me today."

Hotaru bowed her head deeply. Her soft hair, swayed by the wind that carried a chill, brought over a sweet scent. My favorite scent, Hotaru's scent.

"No problem. Dinner's already ready. Let's go."

"Okay."

Hotaru walked with short, quick steps beside me, with her usual narrow stride.

"That's my house."

I pointed to a house with rugged white walls and a red roof. Originally, it was a house where my dad and my dad's mom lived together, but my dad's mom passed away four years before we moved into this house. Since then, my dad lived alone in that house for a long time.

"So that's your house, Ibuki-chan. It might be a little bit exactly what I imagined."

Putting a hand to her pale pink lips, Hotaru laughed happily, "Fufu."

I hadn't told Hotaru that my mother had separated from her marriage partners twice already, nor that I had the experience of moving many times. Hotaru surely thought I had lived in that house since I was born, and probably thought the father who listens to music in his study was my blood-related father. Thinking about that made me feel like I was lying to Hotaru, and my chest stung a little.

Whenever my last name changed, everyone would look at me with puzzled eyes. Despite looking at me with puzzled eyes, not a single person would ask, "What happened?" Everyone seemed to think that holding back was the kind thing to do, and yet, when they got together with their friends in the bathroom or on the way home, they would whisper about me.

Because of me, the roster numbers of the people after me shift down by one. Every time I filled in my new roster number on an answer sheet during a test, every time I wrote a last name I wasn't even used to yet, it felt like everyone in the class was staring intently at me.

I tried to start thinking I shouldn't let it bother me too much. Even if my father changes, and my last name changes as a result, it doesn't mean I've become unhappy. It's not like anyone is to blame.

Still, I was afraid of being thought of as a pitiful child, so I had only ever told the true story to Yotsuji. If Hotaru heard this story, would she be surprised? At the very least, in front of Hotaru, I wanted to just be a normal girl.

Arriving at the house and opening the front door, my mother, wearing a red apron, came flying out of the room with her slippers going pat-pat-pat.

"Welcome! So you're Hotaru-chan? You're absolutely adorable! Come on, come on in. I just finished prepping dinner."

Hotaru was slightly overwhelmed by my mother's restless, college-student-like exuberance, and I thought she couldn't be blamed.

My mother, with her baby face, high voice, and cheerful nature, was often mistaken for a sister by the old man in the neighborhood. Normally, you'd think someone around my mother's age would settle down more, but my mother has always been like this, so it can't be helped. She hasn't aged a bit, inside or out.

"Excuse the intrusion. Thank you for having me today."

Hotaru gave a quick, polite bow. Since my mother put her hands to her cheeks and heaped praise on her, saying, "And such good manners, too!", Hotaru wore a troubled smile.

Having entered the living room, Hotaru looked around the room with deep interest. The TV, left on, showed footage of a panda at a zoo. Today's dinner was Hayashi rice and pickles, and the scent of the roux hung in the room.

"What a wonderful room."

Saying so, Hotaru smiled sweetly.

"You think so?"

I looked vaguely around the room. Since my mother also likes collecting miscellaneous goods, there were ornaments of artificial flowers and an alpaca mascot made of wool felt decorating the space. There were also pictures of me when I was little, which was a bit embarrassing.

"Your mom is a wonderful person, too," Hotaru whispered in my ear.

When Hotaru's voice softly shook my eardrums, the gentle sweetness of that voice made my chest tighten sharply.

Feeling flustered, I tilted my head. Hotaru let out a small, giggling laugh.

My mother served a large portion of rice on a plate and poured plenty of roux over it. Holding the heavy plate with both hands and saying, "I wonder if I can eat it all," Hotaru looked happy.

The three of us ate dinner. My dad had a drinking party today, so he was apparently going to be home late. My mother eagerly wanted to hear lots of stories from Hotaru, and it seemed tough for Hotaru.

When my mom asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?", Hotaru's expression immediately went stiff. When I said, "Stop that," my mom quickly backed down. Hotaru, looking relieved, brought her spoon to her mouth. For some reason, that movement looked awkward.

Whenever I bring a friend over, my mom immediately wants to ask about their love life. Is that just the kind of creature mothers are? I don't have anything to compare it to, so I'm not sure. While Yotsuji dodged the questions smoothly, mixing in jokes, Hotaru's expression showed a clear color of rejection.

Nibbling on a sharply vinegared pickle, I recalled that I had never heard Hotaru talk about a boyfriend. Hotaru is a scaredy-cat, but she's honest and cute, so it wouldn't be strange at all if she had a boyfriend. If Hotaru went to the classroom, I figured there would be a lot of boys who liked her. Hotaru, who can genuinely listen to people talk, would surely be popular with the girls, too, and if that happened, I might never have even spoken to her.

I'm glad Hotaru attends the Infirmary. For an instant, I found myself thinking that, and I chided myself that it was truly a mean-spirited thought. Even Hotaru might think that being able to commute to the classroom normally and lead a normal student life would be the best thing.

Why does Hotaru commute to the Infirmary?

I don't know Hotaru's past. Just as I don't want to tell Hotaru my true story, does Hotaru have things she doesn't want to tell me? I selfishly thought that was a little sad. If I reach my hand in too deep, Hotaru might get hurt. If so, I don't need to know anything. The one thing I absolutely don't want to do is hurt Hotaru.

"Is it good?" my mom asked, and Hotaru nodded, "Yes."

"Don't hesitate to ask for seconds."

When my mom smiled, Hotaru gave a wry smile. We rarely get guests at this house, so my mom seemed to be having fun with a visitor for the first time in a while.

"Thank you very much. Um, I actually made a cherry pie. Would you like to eat it together after dinner?"

"Really? Thank you, Hotaru-chan!"

My mom seemed to have completely taken a liking to Hotaru. She poured more cold tea into Hotaru's glass. Turning her face toward me, Hotaru said:

"You see, around this time of year, my mom always makes it for me. It's my recommendation. I tried making it with my mom today. That's why I hurried home a bit today."

"Wow. I'm looking forward to eating it."

I pierced a pickled carrot sitting on my small plate with my chopsticks. It made a sharp little sound.

"I think it turned out delicious. I hope you'll like it."

Hotaru narrowed her eyes. After completely emptying her plate, Hotaru asked my mom, "Could I have just a little bit of seconds?"

"Hotaru-chan. Such a great appetite!"

Looking delighted, my mom stood up energetically.

After dinner, we ate the cherry pie Hotaru had made. The cherry pie Hotaru made was packed tight with cherries inside a flaky crust and was incredibly delicious. Being completely full, I grew sleepy while drinking the black tea my mom brewed for us.

Noticing me nodding off and starting to doze, Hotaru said:

"Let's start studying soon, Ibuki-chan."

Putting her hands together and saying, "Thank you for the meal," Hotaru stood up. I sluggishly followed suit, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"Thank you for the meal."

"Okaaay. I'll get the bath ready for you," my mom replied while clearing the dishes. The clinking sound of dishes stacking together echoed.

"Where is your room, Ibuki-chan?"

Leaving the living room with her luggage in hand, Hotaru looked up the stairs.

"Up the stairs, the room right in front. The room next to it is my dad's."

I went up the stairs and opened the door to my room. Upon entering my room, Hotaru let out a "Wow."

"Ibuki-chan's room."

"It's not very girly, though."

The study desk my parents bought me in elementary school, and a wooden chest of drawers. The curtains were a pale cream color, and the bed cover was a light gray plaid pattern. The low table I dragged out from the storage room so I could study with Hotaru was Japanese-style, and somehow it didn't match the room and looked out of place.

"I see. You live your life here, Ibuki-chan."

Hotaru calmly inhaled and exhaled. The room's light illuminated Hotaru's glass-marble-like eyes, and specks of light floated in her pupils. I involuntarily almost found myself entranced by her. Hotaru always looks at things with unclouded eyes. I'm a bit jealous of that. Because it's something I can't do.

"Yeah. Well, I spend most of my time in my own room."

When I dropped to my knees on the floor, Hotaru plumped down right next to me.

"I like being in my own room, too. Playing all by myself. Reading books, or dressing up dolls."

"Dolls?"

I hugged my knees and leaned back against the bed behind me.

"Yeah. This is a secret from other people, but I love playing with dolls. It's a bit childish, isn't it?"

Putting her index finger to her lips, Hotaru smiled bashfully.

"Childish? But it's very 'you', Hotaru."

I thought playing with dolls was incredibly cute. My chest ached with a sudden pang.

At my words, Hotaru floated a fragile smile.

"Every year for my birthday, I have my mom and dad buy me one. Their eye colors are so beautiful. And their clothes are cute, too."

Hotaru took out her smartphone and showed me several pictures of the dolls. They weren't the kind of toy dolls a little girl would play with, but rather delicate, deeply sculpted, artwork-like dolls with even the shadows of their eyelashes meticulously painted on. There was an androgynous doll with a short gray haircut, and a doll with glossy, long black hair that drew the eye. A pure white dress lavishly adorned with lace was beautiful, and a simple black dress gave off a feeling of purity.

"There are dolls this beautiful."

"Yeah. They all have different expressions, too, so it's fun to just look at them forever."

Hotaru looked at the pictures of the dolls with eyes full of affection.

"These kids are happy every day getting to be doted on by you, Hotaru."

Hotaru laughed lightly, like a rolling bell, and rested her hands on her lap. Looking at her delicate fingers and nicely shaped, pale pink nails, I remembered when I held Hotaru's hand. Hotaru's hand was warm, and realizing that Hotaru was truly right here, I felt a sense of relief.

Sometimes, Hotaru would suddenly narrow her eyes sadly and look off somewhere far away. Whenever that happened, it was always when the voices of students could be heard from outside the Infirmary, and Hotaru would make a very lonely face. Unable to say anything to call out to her, I would spend that brief time in silence.

I think Hotaru might suddenly disappear one day. Soundlessly, quietly. I was terrified of that. Hotaru's fragile smile and her hushed, tiny laughter slowly melt me away. And then, without any warning, they coldly shake my heart. Every time that happens, I remember Hotaru's fingers. I frantically try to sketch the warmth and softness even more vividly in my mind. I hated the idea of forgetting that brief event of holding Hotaru's hand, like a fleeting, shallow dream.

"I want you to come to my house next time. I really do have a lot of dolls. When you come over, Ibuki-chan, we'll play with the dolls together. It'll definitely be so much fun."

"Yeah."

Hotaru's voice was so bright it almost seemed to sparkle. For a moment, I imagined Hotaru playing with dolls. If Hotaru, with her pretty features, gently embraced a beautiful doll, it would surely look like a painting carefully displayed in an art museum. I want to see that, I thought. I want to see Hotaru playing with dolls. I want to be alone with her in her room, and feel her smile and her voice.

Hotaru gave a tiny shrug and took her study materials out of her bag.

"Well then, let's study."

"No... I want to sleep already."

Like a baby who can't hold its head up, I let my head drop lazily onto the bed. The blanket wrapped around my head, making a sound like deflating air, and its comfort made me feel like I was spacing out.

"Ibuki-chan, wake up."

Hotaru hurriedly tried to wake me. Hotaru's desperate expression was funny, and I laughed while still facing upwards. From outside the window, I could hear the croaking of frogs. The curtains swaying in the cold wind looked as if they were breathing.

"I'm okay. I'll work hard today. I'm not smart, but please don't give up on me."

Hotaru spoke with a bright smile.

"I'll do my absolute best too, so you can get a good score, Ibuki-chan."

We studied until the bath was ready, and took turns bathing. Hotaru, fresh out of the bath with her hair damp, was warm and toasty, looking like she felt good catching the breeze entering the room.

From Hotaru's hair came the smell of my house's shampoo. I had grown so used to my own scent that I no longer noticed it, but from Hotaru's hair came a rich, floral scent.

"Hotaru, you smell the same as me."

"I do. I smell like Ibuki-chan right now."

Hotaru said while pinching her not-yet-fully-dry hair between her fingers. The lightly-pigmented hair formed thin bundles. The tips of the bundled hair were so sheer they looked almost transparent.

"Somehow, it's a weird feeling."

"I'm incredibly happy. It feels like you're staying right beside me forever, Ibuki-chan. Oh, but I guess you really are right beside me right now."

Hotaru said while shaking her shoulders slightly. It's troublesome because Hotaru only ever says things that make my heart pound. My heart beats against my chest, growing loud enough to hurt.

"Yeah. I'm right beside you."

The alarm clock placed on the desk showed the current time. I wish this night would just last forever, I thought. It was my first time having such a fun night.

We worked silently on our test studying for a long time. Whenever there was a problem I didn't understand, I had Hotaru teach me. Every time I finished a quota for the day, I made a mark on the schedule Hotaru had made for me.

"That's it for today's portion."

When I closed the cap of the highlighter, Hotaru covered her mouth and yawned. When I asked, "Sleepy?" Hotaru nodded.

"I usually go to bed at nine. I really did get sleepy."

Hotaru showed a relaxed, "ehehe" smile. Her eyes were heavy, and she had a face like a kitten seeking affection from its parent. Going to bed at nine every day—she's like an elementary schooler. Seeing Hotaru more defenseless than usual, my cheeks grew hot.

"Should we go to sleep soon, then? Thanks for working hard with me."

"Thank you, too. You did a great job."

Hotaru lowered her head, swaying slightly, and smiled softly. While putting away her study materials, Hotaru yawned again.

"Well then, I'll sleep downstairs. I lent my futon to my grandpa's house, so I don't have it here. What time should we wake up tomorrow? My mom said she'd make breakfast."

I really wanted to sleep in the same room, but it couldn't be helped. To begin with, if I ended up sleeping in the same room as Hotaru, my eyes might stay wide awake and I might not be able to sleep all night.

"Eh. You're sleeping downstairs, Ibuki-chan?"

"I can't help it if I don't have one, and I'll be fine sleeping on the sofa for just one night. You sleep in the bed, Hotaru."

Hotaru, who until just now had a face like she was half-asleep, suddenly woke up wide-eyed and shook her head vigorously back and forth.

"Don't go."

Saying this in a voice that seemed about to vanish, Hotaru tightly gripped her fists on her thighs and looked down.

"What's wrong?"

Hotaru's pained voice made my heart sting. I moved closer to Hotaru and stared at her face, which was hidden by her long hair.

"This is my first time staying over at someone's house, and I'm anxious about whether I can sleep alone. Is it bad if we sleep together?"

Hotaru looked up at me with moist eyes. In her pajamas, Hotaru looked even more childlike. Her smooth forehead and tiny lips made her look like a baby who couldn't do anything on her own.

"If you're okay with it, Hotaru, then I'm fine with it."

Saying that, I tried not to let my internal surprise show on the outside, but my head spun in circles. The sleepiness that felt like soaking in lukewarm water was blown away completely, and I curled my toes tightly.

"Thank goodness. I feel like I'll be able to sleep if I'm with you, Ibuki-chan."

Hotaru stroked her chest in relief. Rounding her back as if all the tension had left her, she showed a loose smile.

Taking a large strawberry-milk-colored stuffed rabbit out of her Boston bag, Hotaru hugged it, saying, "I always sleep with this child." The reason Hotaru's luggage looked so large was because of this rabbit.

I sleepily rubbed my wide-awake eyes, then stood up to turn off the lights. Hotaru wiggled into the bedcovers with the rabbit, then lay down facing the wall.

"I'm turning off the lights."

"Okay."

When I turned off the light, the room was instantly dyed in darkness. When Hotaru shifted in the bed, the covers made a faint rustling sound. Hearing Hotaru's breaths, I pressed both hands to my cheeks, stopped in my tracks, and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I felt like I was going to lose my mind from the nervousness.

With every step closer to the bed, my heart beat faster, like riding a roller coaster climbing to the very top.

Finally lying down on the bed, I covered myself with the blanket up to my mouth. My back grew as hot as boiling water. Feeling embarrassed, a film of tears slowly formed over the surface of my eyes.

"Um, Ibuki-chan."

Hotaru's tiny voice melted into the room.

"What is it? Hotaru."

Beneath the covers, my voice was muffled.

Hotaru took a short breath. My hypersensitive nerves picked up even such a faint sound perfectly.

"When I was in middle school, there were people who fell in love with me."

"Yeah."

This was my first time hearing a story from Hotaru's middle school days. Hotaru's voice was quiet.

"Two boys confessed their feelings to me at the exact same time. In the classroom during lunch break, using really loud voices."

"That's... a bit of a nuisance."

Just as I thought, there are boys who fall for Hotaru. It might be obvious, but I felt a little dislike towards that fact. Hotaru has a past that I don't know about. It's not like Hotaru has never interacted with boys.

Hotaru let out a short laugh, as if she had given up on something.

"Everyone in the class looked at me. I was so scared and embarrassed, I ran away from the classroom."

"It can't be helped that you reacted that way."

"But, you know, no one else thought that. Running away, everyone thought I was a boring girl. Even the girls who had been good friends with me until then stopped talking to me."

Hotaru's lonely profile that I saw in the Infirmary crossed my mind. I didn't want her to make that kind of face. I wanted Hotaru to always be smiling. If only I could have protected the middle-school Hotaru.

"It's not your fault, Hotaru."

"No. I'm sure it was my fault. I thought over and over that I shouldn't have run away back then. But even now, I don't have the courage to answer those boys' feelings."

"By causing you so much trouble in the first place, those boys clearly weren't thinking properly about you, Hotaru. You don't need to blame yourself."

The back of my throat throbbed with a sharp pain. Anger churned in my stomach, and I became helplessly sad.

"I wonder about that. After that, I became scared of going to school. Just trying to leave the house made my stomach hurt. My mom and dad worried about me so much, they called the school constantly asking if something had happened. They're both a little overprotective. Every day from the living room, I could hear my mom's voice complaining to the teachers. Shut away in my room, I kept thinking. I don't want to be loved by anyone ever again."

I listened to Hotaru's story in silence. Hotaru didn't seem to be seeking an answer, either. She continued talking as if trying to check the answers to her own feelings by weaving them into words.

"But, you know, after meeting you, Ibuki-chan, my world changed a little. Seeing lovers walking hand-in-hand makes me feel happy, too. I think that maybe someday, I hope I'll stop being afraid of falling in love with someone, or being loved by someone."

"I see. You can definitely do it, Hotaru."

Saying that, I closed my mouth. I was worried about whether I was hiding the trembling in my voice.

I was truly inside Hotaru's world. That made me incredibly happy. Hotaru will surely find happiness with someone someday. At that time, the person next to Hotaru probably won't be me. Because we are both girls. We can't be more than friends. If I convey these feelings, it will surely just trouble Hotaru.

The corners of my eyes burned hot, and unable to hold it in anymore, I cried silently. Ever since falling in love with Hotaru, I really have been a crybaby. I buried my face in the blankets and stayed perfectly still for a while. Hotaru, perhaps thinking I had fallen asleep, muttered, "Good night," in a voice like she was talking to herself.

That falling in love could be this painful—never having fallen in love with anyone before, I didn't know.

If Hotaru falls in love with someone, then I, who love Hotaru, will surely be all alone. But that's okay. I don't have to be happy. Please, let Hotaru be able to love someone. Let someone who will love Hotaru appear.

Even if I end up all alone, I will always love Hotaru.

 

＊＊＊＊

When I woke up just before 8 AM, a clear, grapefruit-colored light shone through the gap in the curtains, making the room bright without having to turn on the lights. Looking around the room, Hotaru had already spread her study materials out on the low table and was studying. When I pulled back the blanket, the strawberry-milk-colored rabbit was resting on my stomach as if hugging me, radiating a cozy warmth. Hotaru probably did that.

"Good morning, Hotaru."

I sat up and placed the soles of my feet on the pale yellow carpet.

"Good morning, Ibuki-chan."

Turning around, Hotaru showed a refreshing smile. The morning light made the color of Hotaru's cheeks look even paler. It was a surreal feeling to have Hotaru here when I woke up. While rubbing my slightly swollen eyes, I soaked in the happy feeling.

"Have you been studying this whole time since you woke up?"

"Yeah. Oh, but I only woke up a little while ago, too. Um, your mom came to the room earlier and said breakfast was ready."

"I see. Let's go eat, then."

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to the breakfast your mom makes."

Standing up, Hotaru combed her hair with her fingers. The scent of the shampoo had faded a bit.

Breakfast was ham and eggs, salad, and toast. We studied after eating breakfast, ate lunch, and studied again until the evening. Going over our final reviews carefully, we quizzed each other and checked to make sure there were no problems we didn't understand. It had been a long time since I understood the test material this well. It was all thanks to Hotaru.

Hotaru went home before dinner. Her mom came to pick her up at the convenience store near my house. Hotaru's mother had ink-black hair and was a cool-looking person who suited short hair perfectly. Her makeup was meticulous, and I could see blue-toned eyeshadow sparkling on her eyelids. Sitting in the car, Hotaru's mom gave a light bow of acknowledgment when she noticed me. Hotaru called her parents overprotective, but her mom seemed like the owner of a very straightforward, refreshing personality. When the car started moving, Hotaru rolled down the window and waved at me.

When I returned home, the room had completely regained its usual lazy colors. As I got back, my mom, preparing dinner, said in a slightly lonely, selfish tone, "She should have just stayed for dinner, too." My dad, sitting on the sofa watching the afternoon news, smiled, "She seemed like a very polite and kind girl."

"Thanks to Hotaru, I think I'll somehow manage the tests."

When I said that, my dad narrowed his eyes and nodded, and my mom laughed, "That's great." I sat down on the sofa, pinched a lock of my hair, and sniffed it. It carried a faint floral scent. For just one night, Hotaru and I shared the exact same scent. Thinking that made me incredibly happy.

I secretly recalled how Hotaru and I had slept back-to-back. The cute sound of Hotaru sleeping peacefully was my own personal secret.

 

＊＊＊＊ 

 


The tests went better than they ever had before. Even just glancing over the questions when the test was handed out, I could feel it was going well. I was able to fill in almost all the answer sections and went over them carefully. When I showed the returned tests to Hotaru, she clapped her hands, as happy as if it were her own achievement, saying, "You worked hard." The nurse, who snatched the answer sheets from my hands, smirked and said, "Didn't you do pretty well, for you?"

My homeroom teacher, Mr. Suga, also told me, "With this, you won't have to take supplementary lessons," and so the current exams ended without a hitch.

When I got home and my mom heard my test results, she was so overjoyed she practically jumped into the air. Just as I was starting to feel embarrassed by her reaction, I got a call on my cell phone. It was from Yotsuji. Pressing the phone to my ear, I stepped out of the room.

"Hellooo. Ibuki?" Yotsuji's voice on the other end was as cheerful as a host on a kids' TV show.

"What's up, Yotsuji?"

"So, about summer vacation."

"Summer vacation. Right. It's already summer vacation, huh."

I leaned my back against the wall. It felt nice and cool. It was my first summer vacation since becoming a high school student. I felt like doing something.

"Do you want to go somewhere to hang out during the break? We can call it the Handicrafts Club's summer training camp!"

"The Handicrafts Club isn't the kind of club that does anything that grand. But whatever. Sounds fun."

"Hehehe. I miraculously found a really nice, cheap hotel, so you can look forward to it!"

Yotsuji said in a voice mimicking some high-society madam. Letting out an exasperated sigh, I was secretly thrilled by the proposal.

"Very authentic."

"Let's figure out the details at the club room or something. Anyway, I must go defeat the bad guys to protect the peace of our town. I haven't told you this before, Ibuki, but I'm actually a magical girl."

"To think this town was being protected by Yotsuji..."

Talk about an incredibly unreliable magical girl.

"Well, see ya."

Yotsuji hung up. A club training camp during summer vacation—that was exactly the kind of thing the fun-loving Yotsuji would come up with. I decided to look forward to this hotel she mentioned. Staring at the "Call Ended" text on my screen, I smiled secretly.

Once summer vacation started, we really did go on our training camp trip. My dad was worried about two high schoolers going on an overnight trip alone, but my mom splurged and gave me extra pocket money, saying, "I'll be looking forward to the souvenirs."

Carrying our bags packed for one night, we boarded a relatively empty train and snacked on sweets we bought at the station kiosk. Today, Yotsuji was wearing a black off-the-shoulder top and skinny jeans that showed off her ankles. Around her ankle was the four-leaf clover anklet, its delicate silver chain catching the light and glittering beautifully.

The scenery outside the window flowed by like it was on fast-forward. The green of the mountains and the blue of the sky were sharply divided, and the tiny houses lined up closely together looked like toys.

Yotsuji had a magazine marked with sticky notes spread out on her lap, flipping through the pages. A large photo of a shrine was printed in the magazine. It was Yotsuji who had suggested we do a shrine tour. She didn't have any particular interest in divine blessings or anything like that, but she liked looking at the torii gates standing at the entrances. Apparently, torii gates serve as boundaries separating the realm where the gods reside from the world where we live. Yotsuji said the gates are different at every shrine, and it was fun spotting those differences.

It was quite a subdued idea, but I agreed to it. Shrines seem somehow cool and refreshing, and if she had suggested going to a zoo or an amusement park in this heat, someone like me would probably dry up and wither away before we even reached our destination.

In preparation for the trip, Yotsuji had looked up places with good food in the town and sightseeing spots we could drop by during our shrine tour. I had secretly admired this well-prepared side of Yotsuji for a long time.

"The weather is nice, the train is empty—we're lucky. I'm a lucky woman."

Yotsuji joked, flashing her small, sharp canine teeth as she laughed.

"You actually do have pretty good luck, Yotsuji. You've always been winning lotteries and sweepstakes and stuff since we were little."

Even back in middle school, when we went shopping together, Yotsuji won a pair of travel vouchers in a raffle. She had wanted to go with me, but we were still middle schoolers back then, and our parents didn't allow it.

"I was destined to be born under a lucky star. I bet I was a saintly paragon in my past life, wasn't I?"

Yotsuji lifted her chin and theatrically puffed out her chest. Yeah, right, I thought, giving her an exasperated look.

"No, your past life was a dog, Yotsuji. An overly energetic small dog that never learns how to sit, no matter how much time passes."

I imagined that if her owner came home, she would wag her tail so hard it might fly off, tangling herself around their legs.

"How rude! Even if my past life was a doggy, I could at least 'sit'."

Yotsuji raised a voice of protest. When I brought a chocolate snack to her mouth, she snapped it up with a chomp and instantly quieted down, leaving me convinced that her past life really was a dog.




Arriving at our destination station, we headed to the hotel to drop off our bags for the time being. The hotel was about a twenty-minute walk from the station. By that time, thick clouds had covered the sky, and the wind hitting our cheeks was chilly.

The hotel was rundown and draped in a dim, gloomy atmosphere. It looked like ghosts might pop out in the middle of the night. Stopping at the entrance, Yotsuji checked her smartphone screen over and over, bursting into laughter as she said, "This looks completely different from the pictures on the website." I felt like I understood the reason why the accommodation fee was cheaper than other hotels.

After finishing check-in at the front desk, we received our key and headed to our room. Paintings of women with gloomy expressions hung on the hallway walls, and there were three vending machines installed, stocked entirely with suspicious juices I had never seen before.

The inside of the room was much more decent than I had expected. The wallpaper and carpets featured luxurious patterns, and the comforters on the twin beds were pure white and fluffy like cotton candy.

Yotsuji dove onto the bed, rolled onto her back, and let out a loud, satisfying "Phew!", like someone who had just chugged a ton of beer. I sat down beside Yotsuji, who was sprawled out spread-eagle, and turned on the TV. A local program I always watched at home was on. Even though we called it a trip, we hadn't come that far.

"Hahaha. I feel like I've been yanked right back to everyday life. My mom watches this show a lot."

"I like it too. This local vibe is nice."

"By the way, is it raining?"

Yotsuji sat up and approached the window. The sky had already grown heavy and overcast, as dark as evening. I approached the window too, and as we both strained our eyes, we could see raindrops as fine as spider silk falling incessantly.

"This is a pain. We didn't bring umbrellas."

Yotsuji put a hand to her chin, lost in thought with a serious expression. This expression Yotsuji suddenly shows is mature. Her uneven eyelashes, and those completely clear eyes that make you feel almost a slight coldness. I like this moment, when the cleverness hidden within Yotsuji flickers into view.

"Let's go tomorrow. We can just stay here today."

"I suppose you're right. Well then, today let's just eat, hit the hot springs, and laze around."

Saying so, Yotsuji lay back down on the bed. Sitting in the chair by the window and watching TV for a while, once my favorite program ended, I took my tools out of my bag and started making accessories.

"Ibuki, what are you making?"

Yotsuji asked, having been messing around on her phone on the bed.

"Earrings. Since this is technically a training camp."

"Just as expected of our president. I'll make something too."

Springing up, Yotsuji brought over her handicraft tools.

Lately, during club time, Yotsuji has been making a sheep puppet. "If I can do ventriloquism on top of magic tricks, I could totally make a living as a street performer," Yotsuji enthusiastically declares. For the record, Yotsuji's ventriloquism is remarkably terrible.

We worked on our respective projects while shooting the breeze. When evening came, we put away our handicraft tools and headed down to the restaurant on the first floor. The meal was buffet-style, and a decent amount of people had gathered in the restaurant.

Yotsuji ate nothing but chili shrimp. I ate nothing but fried chicken. Finding it hilarious that the colors on both of our plates were completely unappealing, we laughed together the whole time. We totally conquered the dessert section too, and our stomachs felt like they were going to burst.

On the way back to our room, we stopped by the souvenir shop and bought matching straps. Clover straps. They had each other's birthstones embedded in them—Yotsuji's was purple, and mine was red. At that souvenir shop, I also bought a souvenir for Hotaru and souvenirs for my mom and dad.

After returning to the room and lazily watching TV, we went to the hot spring inside the hotel. The hot spring water was hot, and my face turned bright red as soon as I soaked up to my shoulders. Yotsuji watched the gently swaying water surface smoothly blending with the lighting, a cool expression on her face.

The outdoor bath outside was just the right temperature, and the cold wind hitting my shoulders felt good. Looking up at the pitch-black sky, we listened to the sound of the quietly falling rain.

"Rain suits you, Yotsuji."

Dark brown leaves were bobbing on the water's surface. Yotsuji was hugging her knees in the hot water. Yotsuji's skin was a pale lemon color.

"Eh, what's that supposed to mean? That I'm gloomy?"

"It's not that. I just thought that when it's raining, I want to be next to you, Yotsuji."

Even I found it strange why I thought that. Yotsuji has a bright personality, and you'd think clear skies would suit someone like her, but for some reason, black and gray suit Yotsuji well. When I found out about my mother and the teacher, it was raining inside my heart. A torrential downpour that no one in this world could do anything about. When I thought I couldn't take it anymore, Yotsuji warmed me up. Amidst the cold sadness, she stayed right by my side the whole time.

Yotsuji narrowed her glossy eyes, the kind that drew in anyone looking at them.

"It'd be nice if you stayed with me when it's sunny, too. Just kidding."

As Yotsuji laughed, the hot water around her rippled with a splash-splash. Yotsuji stood up just like that and headed toward the changing room, saying, "I'm going to get some water." Pinching the tips of my toes tightly, I stared at Yotsuji's back, which drew neat, clean lines.

I thought, But we're always together during class changes and lunch breaks anyway, but just as she herself had said, I figured this was just a joke too, and didn't think too deeply about it.

Getting out of the hot springs, we returned to our room and drank mineral water we'd bought from a vending machine. While mindlessly changing the channels and watching a variety show that was neither funny nor boring, Yotsuji went to the washroom to dry her hair.

Yotsuji's short hair dried quickly, and when she came back, she pulled a pouch out of her luggage. As Yotsuji rummaged through the pouch with her fingers, it made a clinking sound of cosmetics bumping into each other.

"Oh, found it."

What Yotsuji took out was cobalt blue nail polish mixed with fine glitter.

"It's a pretty color. Very Yotsuji-like."

"Right? I'll paint your nails for you."

Saying so, Yotsuji twisted the cap off and took my hand as I sat on the bed. When the brush, loaded with color, stroked my nail, a chilly coldness transmitted through it. Yotsuji wore a faint smile, and I let her do as she pleased, watching the blue color spread across my nails. As if someone had muted the TV, the room suddenly became quiet, and the smell of nail polish faintly stimulated the back of my nose.

The time it took to finish painting them all felt very long. Looking at my nails dyed in cobalt blue, Yotsuji smiled in satisfaction.

"Alright. Painted beautifully."

"Thanks. But why nail polish all of a sudden?"

I don't usually wear nail polish, and I haven't really seen Yotsuji wearing it much either.

Yotsuji grabbed my shoulders and brought her mouth close to my ear.

"It's like a marking."

Yotsuji's breath tickled, making me instinctively shrink my shoulders. Not quite understanding what Yotsuji was saying, I raised my face and stared at her. Letting go of my shoulders, Yotsuji floated a mysterious smile, one that somehow carried a shadow.

"I'll dry your hair for you," Yotsuji said. I gave a small nod and let Yotsuji dry my hair just like that.

The next day brought clear, sunny skies. After eating breakfast at the restaurant, we toured the shrines and walked around the town. The asphalt radiated a scorching, sizzling heat, but inside the shrines, it was mysteriously cool. We ate delicious soba noodles for lunch, and then we got on the train. As I fiddled with the straw of the frappe I had bought at a convenience store with my fingertips, Yotsuji spoke.

"I want to meet Hotaru-chan."

"Hotaru? Why?"

I sucked up the little bit of frappe left. I crunched the ice particles remaining on my tongue with a grating sound.

"Because, well, you two are close, right? But I've never talked to her, so I thought it would be nice for the three of us to hang out during summer vacation."

"Make sense. I'll try contacting her."

Hotaru is a scaredy-cat, so I was a little worried about whether it would be okay. But I know very well that Yotsuji isn't a scary person, and I thought it would be nice if Hotaru and Yotsuji could become friends.

"Please do. I'm looking forward to it."

Saying that, Yotsuji put her lips to the straw of my frappe and tried to drink the contents. But there was barely anything left, and it just made a loud slurping sound of sucking up air. That goofy sound was funny, and I laughed. "I wanted to drink some," Yotsuji pouted her lips in dissatisfaction, so I placed my palm flat against her forehead. The cobalt blue polish on my nails was enveloped by the sunlight streaming through the window, and sparkled.