Original Chapter link:- https://ncode.syosetu.com/n0383ht/1/ 

"Why are you still alive?"

During class—while the faint voice of a teacher could be heard from across the hallway—I was, for some reason, pressed against the wall of the boys' bathroom, being told such things.

The boy in front of me glared at me. It was Shudou Takeru, a classmate.

He was over 180 centimeters tall, and being in a sports club, his build was burly.

My body, roughly 150 centimeters tall and skinny, floated lightly in the air as he strangled me with one hand.

Of course, it was painful.

But I was used to it. In fact, the suffering made me feel truly alive; it almost felt good.

The cold eyes directed at me from point-blank range, the merciless words practically telling me to die—I was more accustomed to them than my own parents' voices, so I was fine.

"You hate this, right? So, here’s a question. Who do you think is at fault for this?"

"Ah... ugh, ga, ah..."

"Answer me properly. It’s you. You suffer because you’re alive when you’re not needed in this world. You shouldn't exist, so why are you here!"

I am being bullied.

If this excessive violence is what they call "bullying," then I suppose that’s what this is.

Being punched and kicked is a daily occurrence.

Because they often cut my hair as a prank, the length I had tried to keep short and neat has become jagged and uneven. My summer uniform was torn up and thrown away during P.E., so I am wearing my winter uniform despite the heat.

By the way, my gym clothes safely found their way into the trash.

It is hard to find a readable page in my textbooks.

Actually, about half of them have been burned.

My family sees this and says nothing.

My desk is naturally covered in graffiti.

The teachers do not reprimand anyone for it.

My food is usually stomped on, so I don't eat anything at school.

Anyone who gets involved with me meets the same fate, so I have no friends.

No one acknowledges my existence.

I shouldn't be here.

I am like a fish washed up on land.

My existence is a mistake.

It’s suffocating.

It hurts.

"Are you listening, hey!"

Without changing his expression, he punched my cheek with his free hand.

The taste of blood slowly spread inside my mouth.

"Be grateful. Say 'Thank you for allowing me to be here'!"

He hit me, hit me, pulled my hair, and slammed the back of my head against the wall several times.

Amazing, I thought. He is worthy of respect. 

To be able to hurt others with absolutely zero guilt.

If I could become a human like him, how rosy would my life be?

Weak as I was, I couldn't help but think that.

Suddenly, his hand released my neck.

I fell to the tiled floor and sat there, powerless.

As I held my throat, coughing "Geho, goho," Shudou kun's foot struck the side of my head.

I collapsed from the impact.

He stepped on my face, grinding the sole of his shoe into me.

I felt the coldness of the bathroom tiles against my cheek.

I’m sorry, Mr. Tile, for letting dirty old me touch you.

"Geez, you really are useless. Apologize for being alive. And thank all of us, over and over again. Your gloomy, creepy face alone is unpleasant, yet we’re giving you permission to be here, you know?"

"Ah... uu..."

"Huh? You finally lost the ability to speak? That’s great, no one wants to hear your voice anyway. Alright, I’ll just crush your throat right now, here!"

Next, he kicked my neck.

He stomped on me again and again.

Groaning while coughing, unable to breathe properly, my consciousness began to haze over.

My hand tightly gripped the "charm" I kept hidden inside my uniform, near my chest.

Gripping the hard handle through the fabric calmed me down a little.

And then I start thinking.

Just as he asked, I thought about why I was alive.

I thought and thought, but I didn't know.

My parents don't want it, the people around me don't want it, so why am I living?

Why was I even born?

"Agu, guu..."

"Hey, can you react a little more. You’re useless even as a punching bag! I’m gonna crush your gut next, so make some noise!"

"Gugeaaaaaahh!"

"Haha! You can do it if you try! Keep it up, keep it up! Squeal with an even filthier voice!"

I’ve never particularly wanted to live.

I don’t want to be born.

But—I don't want to die, either.

Zero.

I am simply in a void, which is why I can remain calm even when this is done to me.

"Gafuh, geuu..."

"No one worries about you! No one gets happy if you smile! But if you suffer, we all have a little bit of fun. In other words, you have no meaning for existing other than suffering! That’s why we’re making you suffer, out of our kindness! Can’t be helped, right? You’re alive when you shouldn't be!"

There is nothing.

Inside me, nothing.

My heart is void, my mind is blank, my insides are empty.

By doing this, I defend myself.

I don't know what the point of protecting myself is, but I instinctively do it.

"Gebu, bu, gubu..."

"Spitting dirty stuff out of your mouth... Can't you even suffer quietly, you defect!"

There is truly nothing.

Nothing, nothing.

"A corpse would be better. That's right, it’s weird that you’re alive when you shouldn't be. Why don't you just die, Kuraganeee!"

No matter how much it hurts, how agonizing it is, nothing—

"AaaaahhhAAAAHHHHHH!"

That is why that was an unexpected event, even for me.

Before I knew it, my throat was screaming on its own.

And my hand was gripping the "charm" that was never supposed to be used, swinging it.

"Huh!?"

It was a sharp utility knife with a cute rabbit strap attached.

The blade tore through Shudou kun's shin.

"Oww... You, what the hell are you doing!"

His skin was sliced along with his trousers, and blood oozed from the wound.

The wound was still shallow.

So, prioritizing anger over pain, he tried to kick me.

"Pulling out something like that, do you seriously want to die!"

But perhaps due to the cut, his movement was dull.

My killing intent, refusing the control of reason, was far faster. Crawling on the floor, I thrust the knife I held into Shudou kun's calf.

The sharp blade sank into his muscle.

Cutting meat—I haven't done this since cooking class in middle school.

"Ga, aaaaaah! K-Kuragane, you! Youuuu!"

Greasy sweat beaded on Shudou kun's forehead.

Stabbed in the calf, he could no longer stand and fell on his butt.

A face distorted by pain.

Shudou kun was making the face I usually make.

"Ehe."

My mouth also distorted with delight.

A pathetic laugh escaped me.

Ah, what is this?

I thought I hadn't felt anything all this time—but I had simply separated my reason from my "true feelings" where hatred swirled.

I pretended not to see it.

I told myself it didn't exist.

But unluckily, the hatred accumulated in my heart exceeded the limit of my endurance today, at this very moment.

So I won't stop.

Even if told to stop, my murderous intent won't stop until I have thoroughly killed him.

My hand reached for Shudou kun's leg.

Grabbing the hem of his trousers, I thrust the knife blade, glistening with blood and fat, into the other calf—into the soft meat.

"Hey, sto—UWAAAAAAAAHH!"

Scattered blood and a man's scream.

Shudou kun finally stopped shouting in anger.

Dominated by fear and pain, he let out a girlish cry, just like the old me.

It was ecstasy.

I felt liberated.

Feeling the squelching sensation of tearing flesh through the handle, I felt as if my palm had become a factory producing happiness.

My brain was enveloped in euphoria, feeling light and fluffy.

This is the best I have felt since the day I was born.

Ah, oh dear, to think I wanted such... such a common, easy-to-understand revenge.

I'm disappointed.

I intended to be cool, in my own clumsy way.

Now that I know this, I can't pretend to be cool anymore.

"Stop it, stooopppp!"

If I pull it out of the calf, I’ll crawl up and go for the thigh next.

The thigh has plenty of meat, bleeds a lot, and is worth stabbing.

I think I'll do it thoroughly.

"Guaaaaah, hi, hiii! It hurts, b-blood! H-Help, someone! Who—hya, gaaaah!"

The thigh was covered in blood and holes in the blink of an eye.

The stabbing sensation was getting dull, so I decided to move to the stomach.

Reaching out, dragging my body, I swung my red arm up. Stab, squish, squelch.

"Ha, gahiii... o, gobu... hiii... a-anymore, forgi... hh..."

My vision was dyed red.

Partly because my eyes were dirty with blood, but surely more so because the hatred overflowing from my brain flowed into my optic nerves, dyeing the world red.

At the same time, my consciousness was flying away.

I stabbed Shudou kun frantically.

Using his death agony as an insert song, my liberated instincts rampaged with killing intent in one hand.

"Aaaaaahhh! Aha, ha, haaaaaaahh!"

In beast-like excitement and monstrous delight, my throat created meaningless sounds and vomited them into the world.

Light. My body feels light.

To think so much "stagnant stuff" had accumulated inside my body.

The truth is, I wanted to spit it out all along—

"Diiieee! Shudou ! If you die, my world will become just a little bit better! For a tiny reason, die miserably!"

Humans really shouldn't bottle up stress.

The current me is a lump of instinct that absolutely will not listen to reason.

My mind is blank, and leaving it to impulse, I thrust the knife again and again.

And then—

"Monster [Human] defeated. Congratulations, you have leveled up to 1!"

The mechanical voice I heard rapidly cooled my overheated consciousness.

When I came to, Shudou kun was in front of me, stabbed incessantly and motionless.

My hands, the knife, and my uniform were sticky with blood, and from the sensation, I knew my face was also bathed in spray.

It was lukewarm, partly cold, slimy—and very disgusting.

"...Shudou kun?"

I shook his body with both hands as he lay on the floor.

Then, blood gushed out of the wounds, flowing along the grout lines of the tiles.

"Shudou kun, Shudou kun!"

No matter how many times I called, he moved no more.

His body was cold.

Shudou kun had—died.

"N-No way... Shudou kun, died... I killed him..."

The knife slipped from my hand.

I covered my face with blood-covered hands and fell into despair.

Even if my capacity for hatred overflowed, to think I would kill him so easily like that.

I have to reflect on this.

"No, Shudou kun... dying... You can't, Shudou kun... if you die this easily..."

Oh my god, I didn't see the moment he died.

Oh my god, I didn't get to savor the sight of him suffering that much.

"You didn't suffer enough at allllll!"

What—what a nightmare.

To end that Shudou kun with such mundane suffering!

"Shudou kun did so many terrible things to me. Dying once or twice isn't enough. He should have suffered more, more, and taken his time dying! To get stabbed and die simply, that's just too cruel! Why did you die, Shudou kuuuuun!"

My scream must have echoed all the way to the hallway.

Shudou kun was screaming in the first place, so someone in the classroom must have heard the voices long ago.

It is only a matter of time before his death spreads throughout the school.

I will become a murderer, and my life will be ruined.

Well, that doesn't matter.

Because I was ruined from the start, so I have nothing to lose.

The problem lies in—the way he died.

Honestly speaking, I didn't think I could kill him.

I thought that, at least until graduation, such "courage" would not well up in me.

But if I was going to kill him anyway, there must have been a way to make him suffer more.

I can think of things right now, on the spot.

Using this knife, peeling off his nails one by one, slicing him into rounds starting from his fingertips would have been fun; slicing off his face would have tormented him far more than this. 

Because I know.

Living is more painful than dying.

Living for a long time is far, far more painful.

And yet, and yet—

"U, uuuu... What a waste... To use a life so pointlessly!"

Faced with tragedy, I lamented.

But, remembering the voice I heard earlier, I suddenly stopped lamenting.

"Ah, come to think of it, what was that?"

I tilted my head, floating a question mark above it.

Then, taking out my smartphone and looking at the screen, an unfamiliar app had started on its own, displaying the same text as the words from before.

"You have killed Monster [Human]. Congratulations, you have leveled up to 1!"

In the background, party poppers were popping and confetti was dancing.

It was a truly celebratory screen, as if I had won a lottery.

"Did I install a game like this?"

If I installed apps carelessly, they would be used to harass me when my phone was taken, so it should have been in an almost factory-default state.

Even so, there were games on it, but for one to start on its own— 

Suspicious, I touched the screen with my blood-stained hand.

Then the display changed, projecting a string of text and numbers.

[Kuragane Erika]

 [Level: 1]

 [HP: 10/10]

 [MP: 10/10]

 [Strength: 5]

 [Magic: 5]

 [Stamina: 5]

 [Agility: 5]

It looked just like a game.

The only strange thing was that my name was already entered.

Is it extracting data from my phone and using it?

No, what is this app in the first place? I think it said I defeated a monster earlier...

"...Did I become a hero or something? Then, if I defeat lots more monsters, will the world become peaceful?"

On the floor lay the bloody knife.

I picked it up and stood up unsteadily.

Then I stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

Colored by bloody makeup, I was smiling faintly.

I looked like a common, lowly villain; I thought it was a very unpleasant face.

I hate myself.

But today, I am uglier than ever.

It is sad that Shudou kun died.

The fact that I was the owner of such mundane, ugly hatred is also deplorable.

But—even so—more than that, a fluffy feeling of elation wrapped my whole body—

"It's going to end anyway. In that case, before it does, shall I try defeating a lot more 'evil monsters'?"

With ruinous desire in my heart, I walked out of the blood-covered boys' bathroom.

It was exactly at that moment.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaahh!"

I heard a girl screaming.

I thought she screamed seeing me, but the timing was too early for that.

Looking toward the voice, a bizarre scene spread out before me.

"Gooooaaaahh..."

"D-Don't come... Don't come near me...!"

An adult man wearing rag cloth approaching a female student.

But his skin was festering and rotting, saliva dripped from his mouth, and an eyeball hung from its socket.

And at the man's feet lay the corpse of a girl bleeding profusely from her neck—judging by the blood staining his mouth, I could infer that he had probably "eaten" her.

"Fu, fu."

I laughed involuntarily.

"First a hero, next a zombie? Am I seeing hallucinations? Evil monsters really appearing—does this happens a lot?"

I don't think a powerless existence like me could kill Shudou kun so conveniently.

In other words, this might be a dream.

A dream filled with shameful desires, seen by me after I lost consciousness from being choked by him.

"No... no... h, help... please... someone, someooone..."

The girl let out a weak voice.

Then, wandering for salvation, her gaze caught sight of me.

"Help me." 

She was too terrified to even voice it, but I knew that was what she was saying.

Help? Me? Even though I'm a murderer?

But—if I step forward, I feel like something will change.

I feel like I can become a splendid human being who can wield violence with zero guilt!

Even though I've been betrayed by that expectation so many times, I ran forward without learning my lesson.

I translated the original web novel version and tried to be original to the source material and I also have the LN. There aren't much difference between them, that's why I only translated the web novel cause it's completed, If you find any mistake in this chapter then please let me know in my discord(about page) or in comment. I love to hear everyone's feedback.